The great paradox of parenthood
Parenthood has got to be THE weirdest thing in the world, because it constantly makes no sense. It is equally the most fulfilling and exhausting journey any person can experience- and even in the worst moments of it, every single person who does it, will still say it’s completely worth it.
I love the meme saying that goes around about how life is now living in a madhouse with a tiny army I made myself. It just encapsulates that feeling- being dictated to by these tiny, completely mad, humans that you made yourself (and therefore cannot blame on anyone else!).
It’s wanting them to grow up when they’re newborn and you’re desperate for sleep or a shower or for your back to stop aching, and then wishing they’d slow down when you realize they don’t fit in a favourite outfit, or they get their first tooth.
It’s hanging out for the moment when your partner/support person/babysitter gets there so you can finally hand the baby over to someone else and go out by yourself after devoting every second of the day to keeping them entertained, and then not wanting to walk out the front door for fear of ‘neglecting’ them by not being there for them.
It’s watching the clock waiting for bedtime, or dropping them off at daycare in the morning, and then missing them almost instantly and wishing you could cuddle them (although not enough to actually wake them up and do it- you love them, but not THAT much).
It’s contemplating all the things you can’t do anymore, and wondering if you made a mistake going down this path, and then seeing their face, or hearing their laugh, and feeling your heart explode all over again at how blessed you are to have them.
It’s even swearing upon your own heart that you’ll never go through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth again, never ever ever ever.... And then a few months later, wondering what the next one will be like.
Like I say, parenthood is the weirdest thing in the world. All those months ago, I couldn’t wait for the day she’d start going to daycare so I could get some time back for me- but the smell of her on her pajamas when I press them to my face as I tidy her room while she’s not here, just melts me to my core, and I can’t wait to hold her until my arms fall off all over again.
But no, still not mad enough to wake her.... I’ll contemplate the paradox in the blissful silence instead x